dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
