mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
