i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
