Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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