based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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