I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
