you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
