she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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