first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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