I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
