I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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