We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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