I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
