She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
