im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
