I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
