I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
