Already got asked if we're dating
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
