dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
