fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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