I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
