I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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