And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
