i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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