Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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