went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize