Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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