I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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