i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
