I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
