Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
