I need help removing her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
