The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
