Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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