im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Randomize
