she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
