Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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