Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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