I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You are a genius and a whore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
