I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
