There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
