and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
