I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
