i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
