Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
