i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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