If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
