Can i not drive my cunt home
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
