Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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