I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Randomize