Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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