are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
