i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
