Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
