my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
