It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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