this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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