I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
