First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
