I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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