I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
