So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
