Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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