ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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