i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
im calling her cock vulture from now on
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
