is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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