why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
