I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
