upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
