Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
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