Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
