They should really pass out barf bags in church
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
We left an ass print on the piano.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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