Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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