after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
